THE FIRST NIGHT

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

 

Good day ladies. How are you doing? I have a fictional account of a true life story I'll like us to deliberate on.

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Sebastian had spent six years pursuing Yewande, trying to convince her to marry him. After much prayers and effort, Yewande agreed to marry him. After the flurry of wedding activities, they eventually got married.

 

Yewande was a virgin until she got married. She waited for her husband to be the only man to see her nakedness. She and Sebastian had kissed (passionately) twice during courtship. Once Sebastian had showed her his erection when she had innocently being whispering into his ears while they were taking a bus ride. So, she was relatively assured that she was marrying a virile man.

 

On their wedding night, Sebastian told her, for the first time ever, that he planned to spend that night praying for their future and that there would be no love-making that night. Yewande was disappointed and hurt that her husband had taken such a decision without letting her know. They prayed as Sebastian wanted and eventually consummated the marriage a few days later.

 

Yewande was deeply hurt by Sebastian's action on their wedding night and she began to withdraw into her shell. She began to act coldly towards Sebastian. They are experiencing some turbulence in the marriage currently.

 

My questions are

1. Was Sebastian right to have made the decision to spend the wedding night praying without involving Yewande?

 

2. Was Yewande's hurt justified? After all, it was good to pray for their future.

 

3. Should Yewande have tried harder to convince Sebastian to consummate on their wedding night?

 

4. Is it appropriate to discuss the wedding night during courtship or while making wedding arrangements? If yes, can the lady initiate such a discussion? If yes, are there tips to guide her to initiate such a discussion?

 

Please share your views, experiences and even scriptural references.

LEARNING FROM PAST SUCCESSES/MISTAKES

TGD Career Corner

Good day ladies. How are you doing?

Today's Career Tip is - Learn from past successes/mistakes and the successes/mistakes of others

 

I had a lengthy discussion with a colleague in the course of the week on this topic. I told him that it is silly to rely solely on one's experiences when making decisions. There is great value in learning from the successes/mistakes of others.

 

When faced with a new task, I think there is value in checking with someone that has done the task before. Listen carefully to them. Whether you're talking with someone that successfully completed the task or one that did not, the steps they describe will guide you on how to go about YOUR task. Some may try to discourage you from the task but try to get them to tell you why they think the task is so difficult. Listen to the real obstacles they're talking about and ask the Lord to show you how to deal with that obstacle (once you're sure you're on the path God wants you to go).

 

Please share your views and experiences on learning from past successes/mistakes. Scriptural references are welcome. You can also leave us a comment on the blog

MONEY MATTERS

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

Good day ladies. How are you doing? I have a fictional account of a true life story I'll like us to deliberate on.

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Paul and Mary had been married for a few years. At this point, Mary is pregnant.

 

Paul's salary wasn't paid regularly so Mary has to step in on an as-needed basis. She also feels like Paul is not financially disciplined. He would make pledges in church that, in Mary's opinion, are above his reasonably expected income. She feels he's trying to show-off with money he doesn't have; he claims he's living by faith. Most of the time, he borrows money from Mary or from friends to redeem these pledges.

 

Generally, Mary has to shoulder most of the financial responsibilities in the home because Paul gives a lot in church. Mary gives too but not as much as Paul. Recently, the pastor told Paul that their total seeds for the year had qualiied them to attend a church conference outside the country. Paul seemed excited about the idea but Mary knows that the trip will not be free so she's skeptical. She feels that they have to watch their spending with a baby on the way. Also, she doesn't feel like travelling in her pregnant state.

 

As expected, they have to pay for their trip, visa processing, hotel expenses etc. In Mary's opinion, they could have decided to plan the trip themselves and spent less as it appears that the church staff in charge are taking advantage of the brethren involved.

 

Paul cannot afford to pay all the money involved so he has asked Mary to support him. Meanwhile, Mary is unconvinced and feels like it's a waste of resources that can be better spent preparing for a baby. Paul feels Mary is unsupportive.

 

How would you counsel Mary? Should she stand her ground? Or should she give in to Paul for peace sake? Are there other options?

 

Please share your views, experiences and even scriptural references.

Dealing with difficult clients

TGD Career Corner

Good day ladies. How are you doing?

I'll like to talk about dealing with difficult customers/clients today.

 

If you own a business, you NEED a steady flow of customers/clients for the business to survive. (Un)fortunately, difficult people are very likely to be part of the mix. As your career progresses, you are most likely to interact with client representatives.

 

I'll share some tips from an article I found on the Business Know-How website.

1. Listen, without interrupting, to their concern. When they are done speaking, recap and if necessary, ask questions to help you clarify the real issue.

2. If you are communicating with the difficult customer/client using electronic media, don't respond immediately. Give yourself some time to analyze and understand what is really going on so that you don't send a hasty response that you'll ultimately regret.

3. Instead of reacting emotionally when your work is criticised harshly, use the opportunity to learn areas where you could improve. As I was dealing with a difficult client representative, I realised that a major issue was that I wasn't communicating the way he preferred. I have changed my mode of communication to suit his style and we're having less conflicts.

4. Whenever there are cost implications involved, I think it's best to involve your manager (for those in paid employment). Don't agree to take the loss before discussing with your manager. Leave that decision to your manager, please.

5. If you are self-employed, you need to do a cost-benefit analysis before deciding whether to absorb the cost of rework/scope creep or to ask for more money to address that concern. Taking the right decision in situations like this may very well determine how long you'll stay in business.

 

Please share your views and experiences on choosing a career path. Scriptural references are welcome.

FAMILY TRADITION

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

 

Good day ladies. How are you doing? I have a fictional account of a true life story I'll like us to deliberate on.

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Sister Stella and Brother John were already making wedding preparations after a proper courtship. Marriage classes were already completed; the wedding date was already fixed and everything was in top condition.

 

During one of their wedding related discussions, Brother John's dad said something to Sister Stella's mum about their family tradition forbidding court marriages. Mummy wasn't sure what she heard so she spoke with Sister Stella about it. Sister Stella brought it up with Brother John and he confirmed it.

 

In the course of the courtship, Brother John didn't mention this tradition at all. Sister Stella and her people have tried to convince Brother John's people about ditching this 'tradition' but they are holding on tenaciously to their family tradition.

 

Can we address the following questions?

 

1. At what point during courtship should the discussion about family traditions be addressed? Is there a recommended way to bring up such a discussion?

 

2. Which ceremonies make a union legal? Paying of bride price? 'Court' wedding? Church wedding?

 

3. When there is a strong conflict of opinions during courtship, is a woman expected to submit to her husband-to-be?

 

Please share your views, experiences and even scriptural references. You can also leave your comment on the blog.

THE FIRST DATE

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

THE FIRST DATE

Good day ladies. How are you doing? I trust that all is well.

There is the story of a lady that agreed to meet a man she had been talking with online. She came in from another city and the man took her to a shopping mall. She picked a handbag worth  about 250 thousand Naira. The young man in question raised eyebrows claiming that for that act, she is not ‘wife material’.

In a related incident, a young man took to his Facebook page to lament about a lady he met online and had been talking with for some time. When he asked that they meet in person, she suggested that they meet in an eatery. He says she’s materialistic and is not ‘wife material’. He talked about a few more implications of her suggesting that they meet in an eatery.

I know that some of us may find the stories hilarious; I do too. After laughing, I’ll appreciate it if we can address a few questions.

When meeting with a potential partner for the first time, which locations are okay? Which locations are NOT okay?

What behaviours are acceptable? Which ones are not?

Is it okay to hide your flaws or should you let him know all there is to know? Which topics are acceptable for a first date? Which ones are not?

Please share your views, experiences and even scriptural references.