WHEN HE IS ALWAYS COMPLAINING

Good day ladies. How are you doing? Congratulations to the new brides in the house.
As usual, I'll be sharing a fictional account of some true life stories for deliberation.

Ibukun and Sola have been married for a year. During courtship, Sola was really caring and compassionate. He was so in tune with Ibukun's needs and she could do no wrong in his eyes.
About 4 months after they got married, he started finding faults with many things Ibukun was doing. He has complained about her housekeeping skills, though they work for about the same number of hours daily. He complains about the meals, though friends and neighbours praise Ibukun's culinary skills. He thinks she is wasteful, though she rarely asks him for money.
Ibukun feels drained every day and feels so dejected and alone as she had to move to another city after marriage.
As usual, I have many questions.
1. Is Ibukun overly sensitive or are these serious issues that need to be addressed and resolved?
2. If so, what can Ibukun do to address the issues?
3. Are there signs one can look out for during courtship that could alert one to the possibility of such an issue?

Please share your views and experiences.

WHEN HE WOMANISES

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

Good day ladies. How are you doing? As usual, I'll be sharing a fictional account of some true life stories for deliberation.

*************************************

 Rachael and Kingsley had been married for 5 years. Kingsley currently has no stable income. In the course of the 5 years, Rachael has been as supportive as possible of Kingsley's aspiration and dreams. She has collected loan upon loan but there hasn't been much improvement in the business. Rachael has been the primary breadwinner, financing most of the family projects.

To compound matters, Kingsley is a womanizer. Most of the ladies he moves with are single parents. Rachael has been praying and suffering in silence for years, trusting that God will transform Kingsley. What more can she do? 

 

Please share your views and/or scriptural references. 

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER - HE'S TOO CLOSE TO HER

Good day ladies. How are you doing? As usual, I'll be sharing a fictional account of some true life stories for deliberation.

*************************************

Sharon and Leo have been in a relationship for 5 years. Leo finally asked Sharon to marry him 6 months ago. They are currently planning the wedding.

Leo is Sharon's dream man. She has prayed about the relationship and she has peace about the relationship generally. She has an issue, though, with how close Leo is to Amelia, his colleague in the office. From what she gathered, they are practically inseparable in the office. They spend all their spare time together. They are team mates. A few times that Sharon visited Leo in the office, Amelia was with them the whole time.

Sharon has told Leo about her discomfort with his relationship with Amelia. Leo thinks she's just being possessive and he usually changes the topic at such times.

 

Sharon will like to know:

1. If her concerns are valid.

2. If so, is that enough reason to break off her engagement to Leo?

3. If not, is there anything she can do about their unusual closeness?

4. Can she talk to Amelia about her concerns?

5. If yes, can you help with tips on how to initiate the conversation?

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER - DEALING WITH EXES

Good day ladies. How are you doing? As usual, I'll be sharing a fictional account of some true life stories for deliberation.

*************************************

Seun and Ola have been courting for 3 years and are making plans to get married. Before Seun met Ola, all the guys she dated are very intelligent, current and business savvy but they are unbelievers.  She loves these attributes but the Lord led her to marry Ola, who is a believer.

 

Her issue is that Ola is not so business savvy; he has missed SEVERAL business opportunities in the 3 years she has known him. The first time, she made a lot of fuss about it and it put a strain on their relationship. Subsequently, she pretends not to notice just to keep the peace.

 

Kunle, one of her exes, has approached Seun with a business deal. He is seeing someone else and they've been platonic friends for about 6 years now without Kunle making advances. She doesn't have romantic feelings for him anymore as well. She is seriously contemplating doing business with him as the potential income from the business deal is sizeable.

 

1. Can she proceed with the deal with Kunle?

2. If yes, what measures can she put in place to assure Ola that her deal with Kunle is STRICTLY BUSINESS?

3. If no, is it fair for her to try to bring Ola up to speed and do the business with him instead?

4. Are there tips she can try out to make Ola become savvy like some of her exes?

5. Will the same rules apply if Ola was the one with an ex who wants to have a STRICTLY BUSINESS deal with him? Will Seun be justified to ask for assurance that they won't cross boundaries?

6. Will the response be different if Seun and Ola were married? If yes, what's the difference?

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER - WHEN THE LADY EARNS MORE

Good day ladies. How are you doing? As usual, I'll be sharing a fictional account of some true life stories for deliberation.

*************************************

Itunu has been praying and trusting God for a future partner since she was 18. She is now 35 years old. She has a lot of stories to tell about the different insults she has been subjected to as a matured single woman.

Segun is a brother in church. He is in the same department as Itunu and has proposed to her. He is good looking. He is friendly and courteous. He pays attention to Itunu's emotional and spiritual needs. He is always ready to listen her.  However, he is not gainfully employed and does not possess many marketable skills. Itunu's concern is that if they get married, she will be the one bearing the financial burden in the family and that there is a potential for that to eventually cause marital problems.

 

1. Are Itunu's fears unfounded?

2. If yes, how can a woman manage a union where she earns more than her husband so that the man does not feel emasculated?

3. Is it okay for a woman to perpetually bear the financial burden of a family? Is there a way she can motivate/encourage the man to improve his earning potential?

4. In a case where the woman has been bearing the financial responsibility and after the man begins to earn more income, he refuses to be more financially involved, what can the godly woman do?

 

Please share your views and/or scriptural references. 

HOUSEWORK

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

HOUSEWORK

Good day ladies. How are you doing?

I stumbled on this statement as I searched for today’s discussion topic. I think it’s worth talking about.

“Having a husband creates an extra 7 hours a week of housework for women, while a wife saves a man an hour of housework per week, according to a University of Michigan study of a nationally representative sample of US families.”

Seriously? Why will any lady sign up WILLINGLY (and even fast and pray) for 7 extra hours of housework per week. The statistic suggests to me that ladies put in 6 extra hours of housework that the man would have left undone if he was alone.  This makes me wonder if women just LOVE  housework, lol.

Seriously, can we talk about housework? How involved should a man be in housework? Which housework is in and which is out? How much of a boyfriend/fiancé’s housework should a lady get herself involved in? What options are available to a lady whose husband won’t lift a finger to help around the house?

Please share your views and experiences. You can also leave us a comment on the blog using the link below.

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER - THE FIRST NIGHT

Good day ladies. How are you doing? As usual, I'll be sharing a fictional account of some true life stories for deliberation.

*************************************

Peace and Christian had been courting for 3 years and after crossing all the hurdles they had to, they are now man and wife. Peace married as a virgin.

 

It's their first time having intercourse and they're having difficulties with penetration. Peace is experiencing a lot of pains, though she's eager. 

 

1. What godly options are available to them?

2. What can a lady who is preparing for her marriage do to make the first night pleasurable for both of them?

 

Please share your views and/or scriptural references. Please keep your comments clean and godly.

TGD Career Corner - Building Effective Business/Career Relationships (1)

Good day ladies. How are you doing? Sorry for the unplanned break. I needed to recharge. Who missed "Career Corner", lol?

 

Today, we'll start off on the series "Building Effective Business/Career Relationships". I believe the issue is broad enough to justify more than one session.

 

If you plan to succeed in today's business world, you need to be able to relate well with other people. No matter how sound you are technically (or how spiritual you are), if you don't relate well with people, your career/business will be adversely impacted. Here are a few tips to help you build effective work relationships.

 

1. Identify key relationships that have the greatest influence on your business/career and nurture these relationships, without neglecting other relationships.

Before I made up my mind on the career path I wanted to follow, I participated in the training by one of the banks that would then determine if one would be employed by the bank. Imagine my shock when I was told I had to turn in a resignation letter when I told them I was no longer interested in participating in the training. Anyway, one of the courses in the training was "Managing your boss". I didn't stay long enough to take the course but thankfully, I kept the course materials and reviewed it on my own. I've also been opportuned to take a similar course.

You need to realise that your boss and team members have a great influence on how your work experience will be. As a business owner, it is important to identify the customers that bring in most of your revenue and those that don't bring in so much. Keep in mind that some do not bring in so much revenue but might have some other value they're adding. You also need to identify the members of staff that do most of the productive work (that EVENTUALLY translate to revenue) and those who are not that productive. You'll also need to do this if your job requires you to manage others. 

 

2. Spend time to nurture these important relationships When I started working, I used to "face my work", send emails and expect people to be professional. After a few years (and after attending a few trainings), I realised that there is this thing called "people skills" and I lacked it! I also learnt that it was possible to learn it. One size doesn't fit all. I've learnt to manage my bosses as I've been blessed to have 2 bosses that talk a lot (and are terrific) and I'm more of a "get to the point" person. I'm learning how to LISTEN patiently, even if I think I know where the conversation is headed. In case you didn't know it, cutting people off because you THINK you know where they're headed is disrespectful.

 

I have a few more tips to share but I'll like to hear from you sisters.

 

Please share your views and experiences.

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER - SPIRITUAL INCOMPATIBILITY

Good day ladies. How are you doing? As usual, I'll be sharing a fictional account of a true life story for deliberation.

*************************************

Gbemi had been praying for a life partner since forever. God had given her signs of "he that was to come". She met Soji when she went for a professional seminar. He was one of the facilitators. They shared the same table during lunch and got friendly. She noticed that there was no ring on his finger. They exchanged numbers that day and Soji kept in touch.

 

Soon, they started talking every day and before long, they started meeting for lunch dates. The signs Gbemi saw of "he that was to come" were all present in Soji. After two years, he proposed and they eventually got married.

 

After a few months, they started having challenges with "doctrinal differences". They prays differently (one of them believes in chasing demons/enemies with prayers while the other believes in loving even enemies); one believes that only certain postures were permitted while praying. One believes in sowing anything/everything as money seeds to "secure your future" while the other believes in making solid financial plans as a means of "securing your future".

 

They both attend Gbemi's church but Soji does not genuinely believe all the doctrines in Gbemi's church. He speaks like them when he's with church members but he acts differently. Gbemi believes he is being hypocritical. The friction as a result of frequent disagreements is taking its toll on the marriage. Gbemi believes the marriage is getting in the way of her spiritual growth and is feeling very frustrated. Some counsellors have diagnosed their condition as "spiritual incompatibility".

 

My questions are

1. Is there really such a thing as "spiritual incompatibility"?

2. If yes, how can one identify it before saying "I do"?

3. Is there a way to "treat" the condition and still say "I do" to the same person?

4.  Is there a way to "treat" the condition after saying "I do" without parting ways with one's partner? (i.e, is there hope for Soji and Gbemi to still have a blissful marriage?) 5. If the answer to #4 is yes, what can they do?

 

Please share your views and/or scriptural references.

TGD Career Corner - Developing Career/Business Goals

Good day ladies. How are you doing?

Today we will be addressing two topics at once. It's my way of apologizing for not posting for 2 weeks in a row. Please pardon me.

 

Actually the purpose and processes involved for developing career  and business goals are similar. I'll just talk about both at once.

 

Your career/business goals should guide your career/business choices. There is a reason why football pitches have goal posts. If there were no goal posts, it will be difficult, if not impossible, to determine who won a football match. The goal post thus guides the thoughts and actions of the footballers and their coaches. Everything a footballer and a coach does should guide them towards getting the ball into their opponents' goal post and should keep their opponents and misguided team members from getting the ball AWAY from their own goal post.

 

As we are believers, the first place to develop career/business goals is from the Throne Room of Grace. Ask God why He's still keeping you here. Any career/business goal that is not related to why you're on earth is an exercise in futility. If you are already on a career/business path that YOU or someone else chose for you, it's time to pause and spend some time talking to God about it and take notes. He'll tell you...

 

After you've reconciled your career/business path/goals with your eternal purpose, there are tips that will help you make the career/business goals Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic (relatively though) and Time-bound (S.M.A.R.T). I'll share some and I'll rely on others, including you sis, to tell us the rest.

 

1. Express your career/business goals POSITIVELY. State what should happen, not what shouldn't.

 

2. Include a target date/month/year for achieving the goals. Let the Holy Spirit guide you on the timing. Many people have found themselves in trouble because they pursued God's agenda using THEIR own timing...It took Jesus Christ 30 years to prepare for a 3 year ministry...

3. Let the Holy Spirit lead you with respect to setting priorities. Some priorities will jump out as one goal may precede another. Others are not so obvious.

 

4. Break the goals down into small achievable tasks. That way, it's easy to get some motivation to continue on the journey from the sense of accomplishment derived from completing daily tasks. Your true motivation should come from God.

 

5. Write your career /business goals down and keep them visible. You can post them on your fridge, save on your phone etc

 

6. Review your career goals/business plan periodically.

 

Please share your views and experiences on Developing Career/Business Goals. Scriptural references are welcome.

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER - BLENDED FAMILIES

Good day ladies. How are you doing? I have a fictional account of a true life story I'll like us to deliberate on.

*************************************

Sharon has been praying for a life partner. Suitor after suitor has come but her pastor has told her that they are not the ones for her. Finally, Kingsley comes along and she talks to her pastor about him. Kingsley is a widower with grown kids. He claims that he heard that God tell him that Sharon is his wife. Sharon's pastor also confirmed that Kingsley is the "One".

 

Sharon does not mind being married to Kingsley but her challenge is with his children. She can't honestly love them as her own. She feels they'll always compete with her for Kingsley's affection. Already, there is a very close bond between Kingsley and one of his daughters, Kate.

 

Can we talk about blended families? A blended family is one where one or both of the spouses have children from another relationship (previous or extra-marital).

 

1. Is it okay to refuse to marry a man because he is a widower?

2. If one chooses to marry a widower, what kind of questions should she ask before exchanging vows?

3. How should a lady deal with her step-children, particularly the ones that are really close to the father? Please share tips that can help manage these relationships 4. How should one relate with her stepmum? Please share tips that can help manage this kind of relationship.

 

Please share your views, experiences and even scriptural references.

YOUR MARRIAGE OR YOUR HEALTH?

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

 

Good day ladies. How are you doing today?

As usual, I have a fictional account of a true life story for us to deliberate on.

************************************

Imelda is in a dilemma. Her sister, Sylvia, told her about a health challenge that she is dealing with that requires surgery. The surgery is a bit expensive. Sylvia told Imelda that her husband, Steve, told Sylvia that instead of spending money on the surgery, she should use some herbs to manage the symptoms of the health challenge.

 

Imelda checked with some of her friends that are medical practitioners and was advised that the use of the herbs may compound Sylvia’s health challenge. Sylvia has let Imelda know that she personally would have preferred to go ahead with the surgery, if she could afford it but she doesn’t want to cause frictions in her marriage as Steve was the one that suggested that she use the herbs.

Imelda and Steve are not on good terms as she didn’t quite approve of Sylvia’s decision to marry Steve. Imelda has kept her distance since and therefore is not close enough to Steve to discuss with him. She doesn’t want to meddle in Sylvia’s marriage but she is concerned about Sylvia’s health. She doesn’t believe Steve is looking out for Sylvia’s best interests.

How can Imelda help Sylvia get medical help without meddling in her marriage? Should a wife defer to her husband’s decisions when it concerns her health and well-being? Is it out of line for Sylvia to find a means of having the surgery, in spite of Steve’s suggestion that she manages the condition with herbs that may have dangerous effects?

 

Please share your views, experiences and even scriptural references.

Infidelity Questions

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

Good day ladies. How are you doing today?

As usual, I have a fictional account of a true life story for us to deliberate on.

************************************

Ijeoma and Chidi have been married for 15 years. In those years, Chidi has been a loving and caring husband and father to their 3 children.

One day, Ijeoma received a phone call from her trusted friend, Nkechi, who told her that she saw Chidi going into a hotel with a lady. Nkechi's description of the lady fit the profile of Chidi's co-worker, Jane.

Ijeoma was uneasy with the way Jane kept showing up in Chidi's conversations lately and now Nkechi was on the phone telling her that she saw them going into a hotel. Nkechi suggested that Ijeoma should come to the hotel and confront them.

My questions

1. Should Ijeoma heed Nkechi's advice and go to the hotel for the confrontation? If yes, how should she address the issue if she truly finds Chidi with Jane in the hotel?

2. If not, how should she address the issue? Should she ignore Nkechi and believe that Chidi isn't cheating or should she confront him?

3. If she chooses to confront him, can you recommend tips that can make the confrontation effective?

4. If she confirms that he is truly cheating, what should her next steps be?

5. What would you do if you discovered that your close friend's husband may be cheating? Will you let her know your concern? Or will you keep it to yourself?

6. Will you expect a close friend to share such an information about your husband with you?

7. Are there questions that can be asked or signs to look out for during courtship that can help identify potential cheats? Or is it okay to expect one's husband to cheat as some believe that all men cheat?

 

I admit that this is a difficult topic to address. Unfortunately, this is the reality a couple of our sisters are living with.

Please share your views, experiences and even scriptural references.

THE FIRST NIGHT

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

 

Good day ladies. How are you doing? I have a fictional account of a true life story I'll like us to deliberate on.

*************************************

Sebastian had spent six years pursuing Yewande, trying to convince her to marry him. After much prayers and effort, Yewande agreed to marry him. After the flurry of wedding activities, they eventually got married.

 

Yewande was a virgin until she got married. She waited for her husband to be the only man to see her nakedness. She and Sebastian had kissed (passionately) twice during courtship. Once Sebastian had showed her his erection when she had innocently being whispering into his ears while they were taking a bus ride. So, she was relatively assured that she was marrying a virile man.

 

On their wedding night, Sebastian told her, for the first time ever, that he planned to spend that night praying for their future and that there would be no love-making that night. Yewande was disappointed and hurt that her husband had taken such a decision without letting her know. They prayed as Sebastian wanted and eventually consummated the marriage a few days later.

 

Yewande was deeply hurt by Sebastian's action on their wedding night and she began to withdraw into her shell. She began to act coldly towards Sebastian. They are experiencing some turbulence in the marriage currently.

 

My questions are

1. Was Sebastian right to have made the decision to spend the wedding night praying without involving Yewande?

 

2. Was Yewande's hurt justified? After all, it was good to pray for their future.

 

3. Should Yewande have tried harder to convince Sebastian to consummate on their wedding night?

 

4. Is it appropriate to discuss the wedding night during courtship or while making wedding arrangements? If yes, can the lady initiate such a discussion? If yes, are there tips to guide her to initiate such a discussion?

 

Please share your views, experiences and even scriptural references.

LEARNING FROM PAST SUCCESSES/MISTAKES

TGD Career Corner

Good day ladies. How are you doing?

Today's Career Tip is - Learn from past successes/mistakes and the successes/mistakes of others

 

I had a lengthy discussion with a colleague in the course of the week on this topic. I told him that it is silly to rely solely on one's experiences when making decisions. There is great value in learning from the successes/mistakes of others.

 

When faced with a new task, I think there is value in checking with someone that has done the task before. Listen carefully to them. Whether you're talking with someone that successfully completed the task or one that did not, the steps they describe will guide you on how to go about YOUR task. Some may try to discourage you from the task but try to get them to tell you why they think the task is so difficult. Listen to the real obstacles they're talking about and ask the Lord to show you how to deal with that obstacle (once you're sure you're on the path God wants you to go).

 

Please share your views and experiences on learning from past successes/mistakes. Scriptural references are welcome. You can also leave us a comment on the blog

MONEY MATTERS

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

Good day ladies. How are you doing? I have a fictional account of a true life story I'll like us to deliberate on.

*************************************

Paul and Mary had been married for a few years. At this point, Mary is pregnant.

 

Paul's salary wasn't paid regularly so Mary has to step in on an as-needed basis. She also feels like Paul is not financially disciplined. He would make pledges in church that, in Mary's opinion, are above his reasonably expected income. She feels he's trying to show-off with money he doesn't have; he claims he's living by faith. Most of the time, he borrows money from Mary or from friends to redeem these pledges.

 

Generally, Mary has to shoulder most of the financial responsibilities in the home because Paul gives a lot in church. Mary gives too but not as much as Paul. Recently, the pastor told Paul that their total seeds for the year had qualiied them to attend a church conference outside the country. Paul seemed excited about the idea but Mary knows that the trip will not be free so she's skeptical. She feels that they have to watch their spending with a baby on the way. Also, she doesn't feel like travelling in her pregnant state.

 

As expected, they have to pay for their trip, visa processing, hotel expenses etc. In Mary's opinion, they could have decided to plan the trip themselves and spent less as it appears that the church staff in charge are taking advantage of the brethren involved.

 

Paul cannot afford to pay all the money involved so he has asked Mary to support him. Meanwhile, Mary is unconvinced and feels like it's a waste of resources that can be better spent preparing for a baby. Paul feels Mary is unsupportive.

 

How would you counsel Mary? Should she stand her ground? Or should she give in to Paul for peace sake? Are there other options?

 

Please share your views, experiences and even scriptural references.

Dealing with difficult clients

TGD Career Corner

Good day ladies. How are you doing?

I'll like to talk about dealing with difficult customers/clients today.

 

If you own a business, you NEED a steady flow of customers/clients for the business to survive. (Un)fortunately, difficult people are very likely to be part of the mix. As your career progresses, you are most likely to interact with client representatives.

 

I'll share some tips from an article I found on the Business Know-How website.

1. Listen, without interrupting, to their concern. When they are done speaking, recap and if necessary, ask questions to help you clarify the real issue.

2. If you are communicating with the difficult customer/client using electronic media, don't respond immediately. Give yourself some time to analyze and understand what is really going on so that you don't send a hasty response that you'll ultimately regret.

3. Instead of reacting emotionally when your work is criticised harshly, use the opportunity to learn areas where you could improve. As I was dealing with a difficult client representative, I realised that a major issue was that I wasn't communicating the way he preferred. I have changed my mode of communication to suit his style and we're having less conflicts.

4. Whenever there are cost implications involved, I think it's best to involve your manager (for those in paid employment). Don't agree to take the loss before discussing with your manager. Leave that decision to your manager, please.

5. If you are self-employed, you need to do a cost-benefit analysis before deciding whether to absorb the cost of rework/scope creep or to ask for more money to address that concern. Taking the right decision in situations like this may very well determine how long you'll stay in business.

 

Please share your views and experiences on choosing a career path. Scriptural references are welcome.

FAMILY TRADITION

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

 

Good day ladies. How are you doing? I have a fictional account of a true life story I'll like us to deliberate on.

*************************************

Sister Stella and Brother John were already making wedding preparations after a proper courtship. Marriage classes were already completed; the wedding date was already fixed and everything was in top condition.

 

During one of their wedding related discussions, Brother John's dad said something to Sister Stella's mum about their family tradition forbidding court marriages. Mummy wasn't sure what she heard so she spoke with Sister Stella about it. Sister Stella brought it up with Brother John and he confirmed it.

 

In the course of the courtship, Brother John didn't mention this tradition at all. Sister Stella and her people have tried to convince Brother John's people about ditching this 'tradition' but they are holding on tenaciously to their family tradition.

 

Can we address the following questions?

 

1. At what point during courtship should the discussion about family traditions be addressed? Is there a recommended way to bring up such a discussion?

 

2. Which ceremonies make a union legal? Paying of bride price? 'Court' wedding? Church wedding?

 

3. When there is a strong conflict of opinions during courtship, is a woman expected to submit to her husband-to-be?

 

Please share your views, experiences and even scriptural references. You can also leave your comment on the blog.

THE FIRST DATE

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

THE FIRST DATE

Good day ladies. How are you doing? I trust that all is well.

There is the story of a lady that agreed to meet a man she had been talking with online. She came in from another city and the man took her to a shopping mall. She picked a handbag worth  about 250 thousand Naira. The young man in question raised eyebrows claiming that for that act, she is not ‘wife material’.

In a related incident, a young man took to his Facebook page to lament about a lady he met online and had been talking with for some time. When he asked that they meet in person, she suggested that they meet in an eatery. He says she’s materialistic and is not ‘wife material’. He talked about a few more implications of her suggesting that they meet in an eatery.

I know that some of us may find the stories hilarious; I do too. After laughing, I’ll appreciate it if we can address a few questions.

When meeting with a potential partner for the first time, which locations are okay? Which locations are NOT okay?

What behaviours are acceptable? Which ones are not?

Is it okay to hide your flaws or should you let him know all there is to know? Which topics are acceptable for a first date? Which ones are not?

Please share your views, experiences and even scriptural references.

DIVINING TO CHOOSE A SPOUSE

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

Good day ladies. How are you doing? I have a fictional account of some true life stories I'll like us to deliberate on.

*************************************

Nkem was getting close to 30 years, that magical age after which marital prospects are thought to just taper off. She had 3 suitors vying for her attention. There was James, the business executive whom she had met during a business meeting and was relentless in his pursuit.

 

There was also Nnamdi, the best man at her cousin's wedding whom she met last year. She was the Chief Bridesmaid and she caught the bouquet. Nnamdi had teased her endlessly and they exchanged numbers. They had been seeing each other casually and he had asked her last month if they could take the relationship to a deeper level.

 

Then, there was Stanley, her long time shove buddy. They had known each other since forever. They were in the same youth groups, sang together in the choir, gone for the same meetings and could essentially complete each other's sentences. Stanley had surprised her last month by asking if they could take their friendship to another level. She wouldn't have guessed that he felt that way but he claimed that he had always loved her but was too shy to step up to her.

 

Her mum had been using every means possible to let her know that it was time to "settle down". She had used every trick in the book - "Chinwe just had her third baby. Didn't you both graduate at the same time?" She had left magazines and books that just happened to focus on marriage etc. Her friends, colleagues and other family members were not so subtle. "When are we coming to eat rice?" "Who is the lucky man?" were some of the questions she had to answer almost on a daily basis.

 

Nkem confided in her friend who advised her to take the names of her suitors to a powerful man of God to tell her which of the suitors is the one to move on with. Nkem is not used to divining but the pressure to "settle down" is getting unbearable.

 

Can we address the following questions?

 

1. As believers, is it acceptable to take names to a man of God to tell us who our future partner out to be?

2. As ministers, how should we respond to requests by people to tell them who to marry?

3. What happens if the person the man of God determined to be "The One" turns out to be not as fantastic as divined? Is that a reason for annulment? What can the person who went to divine do?

4. What other options are available to Nkem if she chooses not to proceed with the idea of divination?

 

Please share your views, experiences and even scriptural references.

The Age Factor

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

Good day ladies. How is the day going?

We got this request for counsel sometime last year and it was discussed in the group. I believe there is value in discussing this extensively as a relationship topic.

Please what should I do? I am over thirty and yet to get married. Men that have been coming are unbelievers and some are married men.
I met a believer a month ago who has already proposed marriage and he said he wants us to court for just six months that he is ready to settle down and he does not want to waste time.
Now the problem is that
1. I just met him last month.
2. I am a year older than him.
I am confused. He is okay except for these two factors.
Please what should I do?

Please share your views and experiences. Scriptural references are also very welcome.

Be a good team player

TGD CAREER CORNER

Good day ladies. How are you doing? How is the weekend going? I trust that the day is going well.

 

Today's career discussion tip is

- Be a good team player. Do your part to make your team succeed. Don't be the one pulling your team back.

 

Do you have stories to share that support this tip? Please share your views and experiences.

Relating With In-Laws

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

Good day ladies. How are you doing?
I got the message below from one of our sisters. I believe it's worth discussing. 
*************************************
Good evening ma. How is the family?
Please ma, can we have a discussion in TGD on how to relate with our in-laws especially mothers- and sisters-in-law?

As usual, I have specific areas I'll like us to address
1. What attitudes/behaviours can we specifically exhibit as wives/wives-to-be that will help us build cordial relationships with our in-laws? What attitudes/behaviours should be avoided at all costs?
2. What attitudes/behaviours can we specifically exhibit as mothers-in-law that will help us build cordial relationships with our daughters- and sons-in-law? What attitudes/behaviours should be avoided at all costs?
3. What attitudes/behaviours can we specifically exhibit that will help us build cordial relationships with the spouses of our siblings and relatives as well as their extended family members? What attitudes/behaviours should be avoided at all costs?
4. What can we do to ensure that OUR own family members are not the sources of conflict in our marriages?

Please share your views, experiences and even scriptural references. 

AFTER THE PROPOSAL

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

 

Good day ladies. How are you doing?

Some of our sisters are obviously preparing for their upcoming weddings. Some have just been proposed to. We are still begging some to accept the proposal, lol. We realise that some sisters are trusting God to connect them with His choice. By God's grace, you will choose right and we will celebrate you in grand style, in Jesus' Name.

 

As usual, I have some questions.

1) How quickly should THE ACCEPTANCE follow the PROPOSAL?

 

2) What should be the considerations before THE ACCEPTANCE?

 

3) What should be the next steps after THE ACCEPTANCE?

 

4) How much influence should our culture, customs and traditions have in our preparations as believers?

 

5) How should a couple deal with lack of parental consent? What if your pastor doesn't approve?

 

Please share your views, experiences and even scriptural references.

Can You Give God A Deadline?

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

Good day ladies. How are you doing?

One of our sisters sent this prayer request. Can we please discuss and then pray along with her?

“Please join me in praying to God for a life partner this year 2015 before the month of June”

 

I actually followed up to find out what the driver for this request is. According to her, the man that jilted here is already married with a child. She wants to put her faith to work and produce a husband.

 

Can we please TRUTHFULLY and LOVINGLY address this? Is it okay to give God a deadline concerning when a life partner? If not, what is the alternative?

 

Please share your views, experiences and even scriptural reference.

Prayerful Planning

TGD CAREER CORNER
Good morning ladies. How are you doing? How is the weekend going? I trust that the day is going well. 
Today's career discussion tip is
- Take some time to prayerfully plan your day. However, don't spend all day planning/dreaming. Take action! Get moving!

Do you have stories to share that support this tip? Please share your views and experiences. 

I MET HIM ONLINE

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

Good day ladies. How are you doing? One of our sisters sent in a request online. Can we please counsel her and hopefully learn a few things? Feel free to tell her the truth but please show some sensitivity; she is hurting.

Hope all is well with you today. I just want to ask for a godly counsel from the group for an issue that has been  bothering me. I've been pissed off for the past few days; my ministry has been hindered. It weighs so heavily in my heart.

I met a guy on Facebook and we became good friends. We've been nice to each other. Then he proposed and said he likes me but in a few days he withdrew not to continue the relationship because God was telling him not to pursue his desires for me but to focus on God.

I accepted it that way and our friendship continued. I trusted him as a friend and I have been vulnerable with every detail of my life. We have been open with each other..I even invited him to be an admin on my Facebook page.

I discovered that he was just interested in adding women to his friends' list. I even read his post conversing with women as if flirting. I cautione­d him because its my personal page just to respect me but instead he said I got jealous of his women. He misunderstood me.

What makes me mad about him was that he sent a friend request to my ministry partner. He chatted with my lady friend and said bad, negative things about me - that I want him to marry him, that I am jealous of every woman he had. My friend was surprised about his accusations because as my friend and my constant companion, she knows me more than he does since I have never met him.

Because of my heated emotions, I burst out and called him up. That I cannot control..I blocked him on facebook right away.
*************************************

Can we also take some time to talk about online dating/courtship? Right or wrong? What tips do you have to share?

Please share your views, experiences and even scriptural reference.

Work Life Balance

TGD CAREER CORNER

Good morning ladies. How are you doing? How is the weekend going? I trust that the day is going well. 
Today's career discussion tip is
- Maintain a good work/life balance. 

Do your job well but don't let your relationship with God and others suffer. If you do, your job/business has become your idol.

Was there a time when it seemed you had to choose between your job and another area of your life? How did you handle it? 

Is Age Really Only A Number?

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

18/03/2015

Good day ladies. How are you doing? This message was sent to Admin some time last year. I believe it is worth discussing in our relationship corner. Here it goes:

Good morning ma. There is a guy I am dating who I am older than in age and we have been together for years. I find diffcult to submit myself to him. Please what can I do?

I have a few questions arising from this message.

1. Does it matter if the lady is older than the man in a relationship? 

2. Should a lady submit to a man she is not married to?

3. If the answer to #2 is 'No', how can a man confirm that a lady he intends to marry will be submissive?

Please share your views, experiences and even scriptural references. 

Managing Criticism

TGD CAREER CORNER
Good morning ladies. How are you doing? How is the weekend going? I trust that the day is going well.
Today's career discussion tip is
- Don't take criticism PERSONALLY.

So, what how do we respond if we give the task at hand our all but instead of the effusive thanks we expect, all we get is a criticism?
How do we deal with resentment that wells up?

Please share your views and experiences on this. You can also leave us a comment on the blog using the link below.

Help! I Think I Missed It In Marriage

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER

Good day ladies. The message you'll read below was actually sent to Admin. I believe it is worth discussing.

“Ma, what is your counsel for those of us that have missed it in marriage? Sometimes I just feel like packing out of the house but I do not have the courage to. What do I do? It has been hell living with my husband. We are both Christians but living with him all this while has causes me so much pain and trouble. I am just tired of everything. Please, advise.”

Please can you help a sister out here? Is it really possible to miss it in marriage? If yes, what's the way out?

Please share your views and experiences. Scriptural references are very welcome

Focused on the Right Path

TGD CAREER CORNER
Good morning ladies. How are you doing? How is the weekend going? I trust that the day is going well. 
Today's career discussion topic is

- Remain focused once you determine you're on the right path

A few questions come up in my mind as I read this. 
1. What is the right path?
2. How does one determine that she's on the right path? 
3. What if one realises that she is NOT on the right path?

I think it's easier to be focused once one knows she is on the right path. What do you think? Please share your views and experiences on this.

Does It Really Matter?

TGD RELATIONSHIP CORNER
04/03/2015

Good day ladies. How are you doing? I trust that the day is going well.

Valerie and Femi have been seeing one another casually. Valerie likes Femi just as Femi likes Valerie; they get along pretty well. Femi has asked Valerie if they can start seeing each other exclusively. He has also asked her to marry him.

Everything is okay as far as Valerie is concerned. Femi is her dream man. There is just a minor issue - Valerie and Femi don't attend the same church. In Valerie's church, there is an unofficial rule that does not permit them marry from outside the church. Femi, as a result of the love he has for Valerie, has agreed to 'compromise' (though he hasn't really spelt out what he means by compromise).

Valerie has prayed concerning Femi's proposal and generally has peace but she is concerned about the issue of the church to attend. Should Valerie agree to Femi's proposal or not?

Dealing With A Difficult Boss Or Customer

TGD CAREER CORNER
28/02/2015

Good morning ladies. How are you doing? How is the weekend going? I trust that the day is going well.
Today's career discussion topic is
- Dealing with a difficult boss/customer

I have had the pleasure of working with fantastic as well as difficult bosses. I've had more fantastic bosses than difficult bosses, so dealing with a difficult boss was a rude shock for me. Dealing with difficult customers is a more familiar turf for me, though I've come across people recently who appear to be more difficult than those I've dealt with in the past.

One way of dealing with a difficult boss is to ask him/her to be your mentor. It'll probably force them to have more discussions and become more open-minded about you.

I'm sure many of us have tips and experiences that are relevant to this discussion. Please share your views and experiences on this.

Determining Sexual Compatibility

TGD Relationship Corner

Good day ladies. How are we doing? We trust that all is well.

I came across a post on a page in the course of the week that I believe is worth discussing here. The lady in the post claimed that she found out after getting married that her husband's penis is not large enough and therefore does not satisfy here. As we have both single and married ladies here, I will not ask for a solution to the lady's question (besides she is not hear to read it).

One of the comments on the post basically said that this is one reason why it is wise to "test drive" (i.e. to engage in pre-marital sex). We know that pre-marital sex is not permitted according to the Bible that should guide our conduct as Christian women.

My question then is this - How can Christians determine sexual compatibility during courtship without engaging in pre-marital sex?

Please share your views and experiences. Scriptural references, if any, are very welcome.

Enjoy your day.